Whenever I get better I don’t recognize myself, I attack whatever part of me is making me feel well, and I’m, I’m by the scruff of my neck, I got no heuristic left, no image deftly kept to match the latest distortion with--

She said baby you’re not crazy everyone is marked with change, if you get so hyperfocused then your body will look strange, and oh, oh it’s all, it’s all, oh it’s all absolved, all I bought’s dissolved, and my panic examined--

As soon as I get help I’m gonna help myself then I remember months ago was last that I got help, what’s taking me so long, my instincts so annulled, I hold on for dear life as though I got no proof that I’m strong, when did I learn myself weak, when did I turn me that cheek, I try to trace but it grows cavernous and cold as we speak, I’m reaching out as a perception to a fact, when did you jump the mirror are you ever coming back?--

And it’s an endless confrontation ‘tween the color and light, if my favorite shirt don’t send me is the sun still shining bright, if the music’s really playing then why am I sitting still, if the movie doesn’t move me do you think that by tomorrow it will--

Medication in the morning but by night I’ve lost my pep, my composure and attention and the vigor in my step, and oh, oh it’s all, it’s all, all lit stalled and null, I’m appalled, is there no way to be live will living--

Sinking in desire, elastic to a fault, as open as a pyre, through locking like a vault, a tension passes through me but it never seems to leave, and bodypart by bodypart and week by week I’m motioned to grieve, while trying to eat with aplomb, I’m sitting biting my tongue, ‘til real in mouth and proverbial in mind become numb, I try to love but hopelessness is setting in, I’m scared the slump will end and the irreparable begin--

And in the wind I succumb, to what’s humane of its thrum, it’s only momentary but I keep a locket in my lungs, I’ll try to admit, I’ve lasted long as me, I’ve learned to be a copy the original is free--

Whenever I get better I don’t recognize myself, I attack whatever part of me is making me feel well, and I’m, I’m by the scruff of my neck, I got no heuristic left, no image deftly kept to match the latest distortion with (whenever I get better, I write myself a letter, then wrap it round a rock and break my heart and then don’t read it, and why’s the doctor involved, around the dollar revolved, why don’t you weave another myth around it?)--

She said baby you’re not crazy everyone is marked with change, if you get so hyperfocused then your body will look strange, and oh, oh it’s all, it’s all, oh it’s all absolved, all I bought’s dissolved, and my panic examined-- (and baby I’m not crazy, nor derelict or lazy, but I look out the window and the world is always hazy, and why is congress involved, we’re not a problem to solve, why don’t they wrap around a mouth and shut it)--