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Pickled Euphoria (Second Movement)

by The Convincing Actor

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1.
Oh, Adelaide 03:19
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Oh adelaide, oh adelaide, oh adelaide, oh ah… Oh adelaide, please come to me, with pouring in, your heart, oh adelaide, that pouring breeds, a falls that sprays, a start, I heard you had, a butterfly, a’melting on, your tongue, I heard you were, a shaky porch, who went and lost, its wrung… Oh adelaide, oh adelaide, oh adelaide, oh ah… Oh adelaide, I needed you, when oak was at, its least, oh adelaide, I breathed for you, when atmosphere, had ceased, it comes to me, in butterflies, aloft and on, a breeze, it comes to me, it’s cauterized, I know I know, its needs… Oh adelaide, oh adelaide, oh adelaide, oh ah…
2.
Corner of The Button-Up Road 02:24
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Way down at the corner of the button-up road, a popular location that I know we all know, amongst the contagion of a literal daydream, a moment of quiet in a quiet-free zone-- I met a little lady who was askin’ a lot, ‘bout what I’m gonna do about the thingie she thought, after milling about she, started out with the mysterious problem of the winking weed-- She asked whatcha gonna do about the winking weed, I said it’s a greenery I think we need, it blossoms in full and engages the pull of the wind that is whiskin’ in the big fat bee-- She said whatcha gonna do with the big fat bee, I said I’m gonna fill it full of human pee, and when it squirts out of the bee-bum-spout gonna give it to my lovers call it funny honey-- She said what they gonna do with the funny honey, they’ll probably stir it into their morning tea, while sippin’ a sip with the lip of their lip, they’ll experience the wonder of the whippoorwill wand-- She said whatcha doin’ with the whippoorwill wand, I fashion a whippoorwill outta thin gone, she said for a god and I said not at all, in the colorful memory of an old tin fawn-- She said whatcha doin’ with the old tin fawn, I’m touchin’ and ticklin’ and turnin’ it on, I’m strokin’ its fur and I’m makin’ it purr with a shimmering surface like a wiggly pond-- She said whatcha doin’ with the wiggly pond, I’m gettin’ inside of him with no clothes on, no fear and no shame and he’s screamin’ my name and I roll in his hair like it’s a brunette lawn-- She said whatcha doin’ with the brunette lawn, I go there to feel as though I’m pleasantly gone, such a powerful sight of the grass black as night and I know it’s the land the lord put his seed on-- She said are you thinkin’ that you’re gonna see dawn, I know that I’m gonna but the night is real long, and I’m travelin’ slow and my vocals are low and I’m with you at the corner of the button-up road, where the quietude blows like a wind of hot coal-- White-hot rows of glitter grass that ebb and pass, I don’t know the meaning of the breeze of ash, if it’s wind I’ll sit at it, why not sit at it, rreh!
3.
Savior Call Me Back 02:33
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My wasted prayer gave way to slack, mayhap my hands hath lost the knack, why didn’t my savior call me back, why didn’t my savior call me back-- Does he not know how anxious I get, to what colloid my clumps amount, it makes me feel my faith is naught, it makes me feel my love ain’t counting… I let my daydream fade to black, I soft awakened into lack, why didn’t my savior call me back, why didn’t my savior call me back-- Does he not know the cross he bore, could double-so itself to me, despite for I the priest implores, the heart within the fresco’s bleeding… Why didn’t my savior call me back…
4.
Puddle in a Solid Sea 01:21
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Take it to a taste like a lip in light, a pain annihilated for the sake of sight, set it out to strain as a cup of tea, a puddle in the middle of a solid sea-- Take it to a stand ‘cuz a mall ain’t there, put a little smile on Paul’s pallbearers, perpetrate the fall of God’s heir… Take it to a dance like a hip in pants, a portal to the beat of a political stance, set it out to dry like a sweaty kid, a petal on the edge of a sepal of spit-- Take it to a stand ‘cuz a mall ain’t there, put a little smile on Paul’s pallbearers, perpetrate the fall of God’s heir… I don’t really walk to the talk of the wind, though once upon a while I might a’ think I did, though once upon a wind I might a’ thought I thought, I’m not aboutta buy what the priest had bought-- Take it to a stand ‘cuz a mall ain’t there, put a little smile on Paul’s pallbearers, perpetrate the fall of God’s heir...
5.
Futon's Still Broken 03:16
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If there were ever a decision to keep me from the water’s edge, that decision was not mine… It’s blustering like wind is goin’ on outside but there’s nothing doin’, and the sound sits in my ears half-frozen, and I’m thinkin’ of almost every place I’ve ever been, and everyone who’s been to my place, their faces sat where they once floated, still and, irreconcilable, with the current place they aren’t, fonts of, phantom water with a ghost’s amount of storage, lenten, for the wont to stay and whisk away my sadness, like a long forgotten portrait of a kitten on a porch swing… I wanna rip that little pond right out the lake with its copper belly and its lead hair, bitter batter for a right’s worth of metal, I can’t hide my disgust for a system that was built to collapse and kill like a boulder calls its roll until the trail it leaves a smoulder, and for a bristling moment I can feel a friend upon me like a sickness that is welcome in a health so bent and broken but the, cuddle is a notion of a future far and folded like a long forgotten portrait in a bin that’s hid and dormant… I hold my hair real close, I hold my sweat real close, I long to feel my limbs, I long to eat your breath… I hold my mouth real close, I hold it to my face, I fake my own consent, I drown my own embrace… I don’t really want you to worry about me, I can make a little go a long way…
6.
Where'd My Sister Land 04:02
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I took a probe and opened up my thigh, and peering down into the well, I checked my blood for any sudden lurch and into bone for any swell, I let my arm lax flashlight to my shoulder to the bottom of my hand, you gotta tell me, you gotta tell me… where’d my sister land… I got a sudden feeling to the farm that’s silken on that side of town, who lies an afterbirth upon the earth like an old-discarded gown, I rifled through the grass and hours passed so I hope you understand, you gotta tell me, you gotta tell me… where’d my sister land… I don’t bite that theory, in fact it’s kinda eery, that she’s my other half, and even if I could I couldn’t I don’t have myself like that, I don’t buy that junk that the priest had thunk, when he said that you’d returned her to sand, so, you gotta tell me, you gotta tell me… where’d my sister land… You know I really need her, I really really need her, I need her like a lung of air, I need her like a love that’s full of girl and an ethic’s full of fair, you gotta tell me god, you celestial sod, I cannot pray so I command, you gotta tell me, you gotta tell me, where’d my sister land… I don’t think I ever needed anyone like this, not like this…
7.
I'm a Self-Portrait of How Much I Love You 03:52
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I cannot fathom, what I have become, in my teenage years I’d crackle and I’d come undone, from whence came adulthood, I can scarcely find the way, that it crept into me, teaching me to say-- I’m a self-portrait of how much I love you, there is not an ounce of you I, that I won’t defend, I’m a self-portrait of how much I love you, I will never leave this world, never again… I have known the misery, of a smallness sound such, as is so unbreachable as to be underground, risen by a height of air, do you see the sky as tall, it’s a question answered by a salpinx call-- And I’m a self-portrait of how much I love you, there is not a break in you that, I won’t try to mend, and I’m a self-portrait of how much I love you, I will never leave this world, never again… I’m at the edge of myself, Venny-diagram, what I see emerge from me is, what I guess I am, sweet child I tend to, is there something I could say, to persuade a tear to, tuck itself away-- I’m a self-portrait of how much I love you, I want to live, I want to live, I’m a self-portrait of how much I love you, I will never leave this world, never again…
8.
Cum Blood Bleed Tears Cry Cum 04:58
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It ain’t nothin’, that I haven’t felt before, it ain’t nothin’, that I haven’t felt before, I felt my body rot away, as a pile of fallen leaves, I felt my body pulled away, like a plastic sleeve, and every night I have to learn, it’s a fear I gotta doubt, it’s an instinct out of trauma, that I gotta go without, I felt my body swept away, like a child from a town, I felt my body tossed aside, like a dressing gown… You know it ain’t nothin’, that I haven’t felt before, it ain’t nothin’ that I haven’t felt before, I’ve felt my body inside-out like a burning church, I’ve felt my body churned to doubt like a stomach’s lurch, how the anxiety metastasizes and lets the darkness purr, how there’s a film they made about a person who had a knee of words, I felt my body lather on as though a flam of soap, I felt my body tighten up as though a neck in rope…
9.
Eat Shit Shit Food 03:58
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Heard you planted, lovely gardens, lovely gardens, ‘long the paper trail, heard you planted, lovely gardens, lovely gardens, ‘long the paper trail, can I find them, can I see them, can I sleep the walk… Heard you planted, lovely gardens, lovely gardens, ‘long the waiting wail, heard you planted, lovely gardens, lovely gardens, ‘long the waiting wail, make it better, make it sweeter, make it kind for us… Love you baby, love your gardens, love your gardens, ‘long the paper trail, love you baby, love your gardens, love your gardens, ‘long the paper trail…
10.
Your Ghost Will Be Haunting My Crotch 02:45
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I watch on the ship from the air o’ the plane, in err o’ the plaintive attempt to stay sane, how doleful and dim must the recipe be, arresting a loss from its dream-- I know you’re the best of my bedding, a force dare I say a barrage, a lover’s forever so promise when gone, your ghost will be haunting my crotch… I bet on your tenderness lie in your limbs, I waft o’er your wind and I bloom from your stems, I drip in your drool and your heather I heave, when you blow it it’s in me I breathe-- I know you’re the breast of my breading, a scrap in a famous collage, and a lover’s forever so promise when gone, your ghost will be haunting my crotch… Don’t worry about it baby, we’ll work up to it, first you can make the door open and shut mysteriously, then you can make the lights turn on and off, and it’ll be no time until you can…
11.
A Simple Limit 03:21
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I come to you, the living room is full of your art, there’s paintings all about, I grew up with myself, but this is new and I won’t go without, your paintings all around, your brushes on the floor, strewn about, I’m always wanting more… I’m pasted like, a torn out page across my light, so hastily affixed, I wonder what new visual becomes of this, a halo cookie-cutting mist, to biscuits thick, not so sweet as to make you sick, I get real close and take a whiff… So what you’re sayin’s you’re suggesting I, lay down my head upon your lefty thigh, I’m lookin’ at you thinking, great suggestion… I recommend a neither yard nor length of fence, just open into it, the door then other side and everything else, nothing in between, it’s such a loss to cut the grass, there’s waning anyhow in things that last, you really wanna spend your life in fear of each new past, oh woah-woah wooaaaooh… I was takin’ a nap, when cast in shadow cross my lap, was you in form and fleece, I let my tongue dissolve between your lips like, buttermilk on meat, everything is happening, we don’t have a thing that didn’t, I rest easy in this knowledge, a simple limit…
12.
Born a Baby 03:27
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Born a baby, born an idiot, born defenseless, born helpless, like a dog stays, like a rock stays, waves on display, babe on replay… yodelay-ee-oh, delay-ee-oh, delay-eeh… Born a born thing, from an old thing, gore and unthink, norm and mumbling, like a cat stays, like a bed stays, faint and playing, like a plaything… yodelay-ee-oh, delay-ee-oh, delay-eeh… Gain’s a simple sign, girling’s taking time, maybe I was guaranteed to be what I will be, but I was also born a motherfucking baby, yeah your theory of yourself is great, but you can’t convince me I was born this way, least a bit slate, your bitch came late…
13.
Thinking You're About to Shed a Single Poetic Tear but Instead You Pee for Fifteen Minutes Straight 01:26
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I could play in the meadow, I could run for no one at all, I could play in the meadow, if I could go, if I could go-- I could try on your trousers, with your gams still tight within, I could try on your trousers, if I could go, if I could go-- I can weep until I whistle, I can spin until I fry, I can weep until I whistle, this I know, this I know…
14.
Love at First Fisting 01:04
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That sun’s a snowglobe, you looked the wrong up, that sun’s a snowglobe, you woke the wrong up… To make the future sooner than it seems…
15.
Philtra and Perinea 01:00
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Way to pass the pee, to lead into obsolete catastrophe, in which our god is replete with mask and feeds, upon the earth that has ended already, it’s overwhelming so I, I sit back in the grass of the womb, I sit back in the grass of the womb, I sit back in the grass of the womb, I don’t let it get to me… Way to string the beads, along a throat segmented as centipede, the centrifugal collapse of entropy, is implicated in god’s calligraphy, it’s all collapsing so I, I sit back in the grass of the womb, I sit back in the grass of the womb, I sit back in the grass of the womb, I don’t let it get to me…
16.
Passaic River Lullabies 06:03
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It’s a beautiful world, a beautiful world, it’s a beautiful world, a beautiful world, I got a new one, I got a new one, whatever it is, I got a new one… You’re the sweetest thing that’s ever happened to me, you’re the sweetest thing that’s ever happened to me, though you’re very young I still believe that you can see that you’re the very sweetest thing that’s ever happened to me, you’re the sweetest thing that’s ever happened to me, you’re the sweetest thing that’s ever happened to me, though you’re very young I still believe that you can see the quite profound effect your very sweetness has on me, though you’re very young I still believe that you can see that you’re the very sweetest thing that’s ever happened to me… Uh so as a general rule I’m uh a driver for a living and uh, and those, those two songs, I guess the last one in particular, or the second one in particular, uh, that was one that I, I, I used to just sing to myself, um while I was driving and I didn’t have any passenger and I just, uh, I guess it was the day that I came up with it, uh, I started singing it to myself just kinda off the top, and uh, I, while I was driving I just kinda like burst into tears, and I had to pull over, and uh from that point on I started coming up with these driving songs particularly like for uh children, um, I uh, I work with children as well during the summer, so yeah there’s, that’s somewhat of the precedent for the mindset there, uh yeah, I guess, I guess there’s one more-- You soften me, you sweeten me, curl up on me, little curlicue, you soften me, you sweeten me, curl up on me, little curlicue, I don’t know what I’d do…
17.
On the Bank of a Teardrop 02:16
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You just gotta get me hungover enough that my breathing gets funny, ugly like I’m breathing syrup ‘stead of air… you just have to get me vulnerable enough… You just like being loved, you just like being held, that’s not strange… what I think about us, sending consensual titty-pics, feeling great even as it’s leaving, feeling a cry coming on, a rain coming on, a weather coming on, feeling a weather, taking a weather, taking a rain-pull, taking a fear drive, taking a flavor walk, taking a tea break, taking a sense that something about you is belonging, bless yourself, kick a god when he’s down and bless yourself, because you like being loved, you like being held, it’s a miracle outside the law, you like being loved, you like being held, and nothing is strange…
18.
Give Myself Some Time 02:49
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My friend betrayed my trust, he made me feel unsafe, but if I want to express myself I need a night to wait, my friend was immature, took advantage of my goodest grace, but to respond to him maturely, I firstly take to sleep, I give myself some time, I give myself some time, whatever it may be, I give myself some time, I give myself some time, I give myself some time, whatever it may be, I give myself some time… I felt an outburst of love, it came to me today, but now is not the bestest of the timings to explain, I can’t stop thinking of them, my heart is locked in sway, but whene’er I need a moments peace I let it waft away, I give myself some time, I give myself some time, whatever it may be, I give myself some time, I give myself some time, I give myself some time, whatever it may be, I give myself some time-- Do you think you’re using time you don’t have? Do you think you’re using time you don’t have? You know I really think I can’t care, there’s something clapping on beyond that air… I give myself some time, I give myself some time, whatever it may be, I give myself some time, I give myself some time, I give myself some time, whatever it may be, I give myself some time-- Do you think you’re using time you don’t have? Do you think you’re using time you don’t have? You know I really think I can’t care, there’s something clapping on beyond that air…
19.
Bird Killed Mid-air Stays There (As It's Non-corporeal) 00:59
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Saw that bird a fleur on repeat descend then spurn to slop on the street, saw that cat returned to the distance slow as mold but quick as an instant-- Didn’t see but saw how the flutter sordidly resorted to hover, didn’t see but saw how the rote was motioning from fly into float-- The housecat’s banging at the door, her toy’s just lying on the floor…
20.
Duet for Ssshhh and Woodblock 00:22
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21.
These Women, Children, Cats and Tulips Are Just the Sweetest Salad 04:29
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(Translation for the Italian below:) This loneliness is humiliating, this everyday entrenchment has become a constant begging to live, a begging to sleep soundly, a begging for support, acknowledge you exist near me, acknowledge you exist to me, not at me, not at my feet, not instead of peace… Questa solitudine è umiliante, questo radicamento quotidiano è diventato una costante supplica di vivere, una supplica di dormire sonni tranquilli, una supplica di sostegno, riconoscere che tu esisti vicino a me, riconoscere che esisti a me, non contro me, non ai miei piedi, non invece di pace… Mother, I’ve never been this lost before, mother, I’ve never been this lost before, my dream is locked in friends who can’t perceive my needs, mother, I’ve never been this lost before… If the candle, was at its dimmest, would you snuff it out, if the wick was deceptively mid-flicker, would you press it out, would you let it leak, I press my face to its wax, I slick my tongue down its back and feel… a cold glow, from its rope… And scooby doo is on the cross, and spongebob’s on the cross, my baby girl is on the cross, her tongue is sproutin’ moss (x4)-- Maybe my girl would love me if I dreamed again…
22.
Baby in the Womb of a Baby 05:50
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I really did love god, I wanted a relationship, I wanted to lick his back, I wanted to stroke his babe, he gave me a locket full of love, now I need to give back, the earth has the sexiest weight, I have to give back, I’m like a live-laugh… And I wanna lay a blessing lay a blessing on your heart, and I wanna lay a blessing lay a blessing on your heart, and I wanna lay a blessing lay a blessing on your heart, baby in the womb of a baby, baby-baby… I love my best friend from high school, it’s a bond made out of bond I’m glad it’s itself, and when I’m a few shots deep, I think of calling her, but I feel as though an old lady’s taken me into her lap, and started knitting me into a sweater for a kid we both love, so I sit back curved and folded and I just let it happen, at the expense of everything else… And I wanna lay a blessing lay a blessing on your heart, and I wanna lay a blessing lay a blessing on your heart, and I wanna lay a blessing lay a blessing on your heart, baby in the womb of a baby, baby-baby… When you’re a dreamette, when you’re a baby’s experience, will you remember me, will you expand on me, will you remember me clear through a sleep as thick as concrete, and give birth to me as plainly as I did you, friend, proliferating in the odd sunlight, perch and lay me out! And I wanna lay a blessing lay a blessing on your heart, and I wanna lay a blessing lay a blessing on your heart, and I wanna lay a blessing lay a blessing on your heart, baby in the womb of a baby, baby-baby… I gotta be sincere, for once in my life, I had a good time, I had a good time, I will be sincere, for once in my life, I’ve had a good time, I’ve had a great time… Hey thanks this has been Pickled Euphoria, uh if you like want to talk or whatever you can hit me up on social media, I have facebook and instagram, when those things are gone I’m sure I’ll find a way to keep myself available, but for now just search the convincing actor if you wanna talk about art or this album or your feelings or whatever, I actually do mean that by the way, uh I don’t welcome negative feedback though, I make art to survive and a lot of people do, so just keep that in mind, I guess that’s it, this has been Pickled Euphoria, love you! (kissy noise).

about

Full running time: 1:05:34

Written largely in my living room and backyard during quarantine, although sometimes in the car.

If you'd like, listen to the first half first. And let me know what you think. Like I said, there needn't be any distance between us you'd find unsavory.

credits

released October 17, 2020

All songs written, produced and performed by The Convincing Actor, except track 14 which features co-vocalist TEDx and track 18 which features co-vocalist Emily Wheatley.

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The Convincing Actor Roselle Park, New Jersey

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ROSELLE PARK, NEW JERSEY

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